My Humble Attempt to Postpone Depression and Death

I never imagined that I would be writing this frightening, yet vulnerable experience of my life. This article may get read a few times and then buried in the archives for eternity.

I would not be surprised if you are ready to click the X box on your web browser’s tab to read something else. You are probably not interested in hearing my story of being bruised with adversity and tragedy. Unfortunately, many people are selfish. Many people do not believe in humanity.

Perhaps, you may feel the same way. Alternatively, you may still be reading because you want some momentary entertainment.

It is unfortunate that the people’s lives are mere entertainment for the majority. If I had a supportive family or enough friends that cared about me, then you would not be reading this article right now.

My immediate family is dysfunctional. The rest of my family barely exists to me. The possibility of having a nurturing and supportive relationship evades me.

My friends are few. Some people say that it is not good to have many friends, but I believe the same is true for not having enough friends. It is partially my fault. I love traveling, but I have done so much traveling that I have become a victim of social anxiety.

Most Americans cannot honestly say that they have lived in more than one country. Moreover, most non-military black Americans cannot say the same either. I have probably seen and lived in more places abroad than two-thirds of them.

As a result, it is hard to maintain friendships when you are always moving to a new country after several months. I did not say that it is impossible, but it is difficult.

Sometimes, I feel that I am a defective creation. Sometimes, I feel that the rules of karma are not fair. Bad people live long. The good die young.

How did I end up living with two autoimmune diseases? I do not smoke cigarettes and limit my alcohol consumption to a glass of wine that I enjoy about six times a year.

I subscribe to the eating clean philosophy, which means avoiding foods that do not have additives, artificial flavors, artificial colors, preservatives, and ingredients that are not naturally occurring. On average, I walk about 5 miles a week that includes any walking activity. So, I am not a couch potato, but I do not have a rigorous exercise routine either.

Despite it all, I am 30 years old that carries two autoimmune diseases. I have a dysfunctional family. As a black man in America, I was born in this world with the odds against me. Some people may scoff at that remark, but those same people are not black either.

Most of my life has been a journey of hard work to prove myself worthy to others. I wrote an international best-selling book. I host a talk show that made the top 100 in Norway, Sweden, and New Zealand.

It would have been great if that success happened a decade ago. The digital media revolution has taken a lot of the money and market share away from creatives – authors, musicians, and filmmakers. This shift has benefited the consumer and negatively affected the creator.

My health is starting to affect my ability to do what I do best – writing, hosting a radio show, and being the inspiration to help others reach the finish line.

I desire to find my soulmate, but my questionable health has made me hesitant. I could not withhold such information from that person. It would not be fair. Why should I bring emotional pain onto someone to satisfy my emotional needs? Many people will do it, but I could not do that to someone.

I am not refusing to do it for fear of a bad harvest of karma. As stated before, the karmic system is unfair. It is very much like politics – a false system of hope that results in a perpetual cycle of inequality and injustice.

Conversely, very few people want to date someone with severe health problems. Some people would advise me that only if I would be patient, I would meet someone who would love me unconditionally. Patience may alleviate some stress, but there is no guarantee. An old man told me that there are only two things that are guaranteed in life – death and taxes.

I would not turn away someone who would love me unconditionally. Very few people would do such a thing. Unless I am fortunate to meet such a person, I will commit to my selfless decision to avoid bringing emotional pain upon someone.

Sometimes, I feel so much physical pain that I beg death to take me, but death has determined that it is not my time yet. Many people are inspired by my success and the lifestyle that has resulted from it.

Although, what is the purpose of having it if you cannot celebrate it with that special someone? What is the purpose of having that success if you have bad health?

My success means nothing when I am struggling to live another day. My success means nothing when I have a dysfunctional and uninterested family. That success means nothing when I am unable to share it with that special someone.

The best definition of success is a person taking a holistic view of their life and walking away with a big smile on their face.